The beauty in the gloomy months.

I hate that I have favourite and least favourite months of the year but I do, I always have and well, January and February are both my least favourites. I tend to see them as the gloomy months, the ones that just seem to go by. Perhaps this is because I love March so much, with being a March baby and Easter time and Spring to, it is hard not to. However, wishing for March to come sooner is very unmindful of me. I have also noticed that when wishing for another time, a future time, I have that feeling of rushing, pushing myself and my time away, causing anxiety.

The last few weeks I have been trying to change the way I see this, by reminding myself to be mindful and enjoy the moment, right here, right now. I wish I had of started this sooner because I have already began to see the beauty of February, enjoying my days a little more and well feeling somewhat less anxious.

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I began by going for morning runs again and I was pleasantly surprised by all I saw, if you follow me on Instagram, I took a few of you along with me! Of course whilst in awe of such natural beauty my run went on hold, this is when I realised a change in myself. A few years ago, I would have felt so self-conscious of what walkers by would think of me, on the floor amongst the flowers, smiling as though I had won the lottery, but I couldn’t have cared less, not a self-conscious thought past my mind.

I was in the moment, enjoying the there and now.

Of course, this was a beautiful day, one that was far from gloomy. Finding beauty in the rain and wind was a little more difficult but it did not stop me. On one of the more rainy days my mother and I went to see my grandfather at his farm and what a joy to see the baby lambs, all warm and cosy, sheltered in the barn and very pleased to see us.

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I have spoken about this before but each year, seeing the lambs brings me a true feeling of gratitude. This feeling comes from when I was ill, I remember my family going to visit my great-grandfathers farm to see the Spring lambs, as we did each year but myself to weak to go with them. That was one of the days I truly began to realise and despise what the illness had done to me. Now each time I see my first lamb of the year my feeling of gratitude becomes stronger and as small as it sounds, seeing a lamb that is, I am reminded of why I chose recovery.

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On another couple of gloomy days, both weather and mentally, I decided to bring calmness to myself with cosy coffee shops, old photographs and mindfulness practice, using the Calm app to do some breathing meditations. Oh and not to forget the lovely card my mother wrote to me, the message on the inside was just as sweet. The little things really do make a huge difference.

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I hope you are enjoying your February so far, what little things make a difference to you?

Nicole

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